Is VGS affiliated with PSA, Beckett, CGC or SGC?
No. We admire them. We use their vocabulary the way a cover band uses chords. Their marks belong to them, and their graders, to our knowledge, do not smell anything on purpose.
What if my card smells like nothing?
Nothing is a smell. It grades a 7 (NM). Cards that smell like nothing are extremely common and, in the panel’s words, “fine.”
Who is on the panel?
Residents of the retirement home down the street who have signed a release and are awake. We will not say which street. Core members are Bernice (91), Harold (88), Dot (94), Walt (87) and Gloria (79, the young one). Panel composition rotates. Bernice does not rotate.
Can I be present for the sniffing?
Only at the Walk-Through tier. You will be asked to stand behind the tape and to refrain from commentary during the second sniff.
What happens to my card at the club?
It is carried, sleeved, by a technician who presents it at the rope, at the bar and on the floor. It is never set down. It is never lent. If someone asks to hold it, the technician says “she’s not mine to give,” which has proven effective.
What happens to my card during the emergency simulation?
A scenario is drawn by lot. If it is a dance-off, the card is held aloft by a trained technician for one (1) song while an opponent dances at it. If it is a checkpoint, a Senior Field Grader presents it and requests passage. If it is a bear, we use a photograph of the bear. The card is not thrown unless the submitter has requested throwability testing, which we do not recommend and which results in a DQ qualifier roughly half the time. Every card has been returned. Not every grader has.
Do you grade sealed wax?
We grade what we can smell. A sealed pack receives a provisional Aroma sub-grade and a note reading “promising.” The panel finds sealed packs frustrating and has asked us to stop.
What is the Bouquet Label?
A VGS 10 with a perfect 10 in all four disciplines, encapsulated in a black holder with gold foil. Three exist. One is a Bernice, meaning Bernice graded it and Bernice has it, and we have decided not to press the matter.
How do I contact customer service?
Call 1-800-VGS-SNIF, weekdays 9 to 11 a.m., and ask for Bernice. Bernice does not check email. Nobody checks email.